Monday, August 21, 2006

think i have bitched about this before, but i will still do it again. am feeling far from my Father. haven't been talking to Him much. i feel so busy doing things that i like that i can't seem to find time to juz sit or lie down, close my eyes, and feel us having a normal conversation like how we used to do. i miss those times when even when i do not consciously pray, i can still feel Him next to me. i know that He wants to draw near to me, and it is me resisting. i dunno why is it that i am resisting. am i ashamed about something? do i resent my faith that much? do i resent my Father that much? or do i resent myself the most? i dunno. anyway, got to know of this video from a pastor from my church. he cried whereas i didn't. dunno if it is callousness on my part. but i was filled with admiration for the guy's dad, and even greater admiration for the main character. not many of us will be able to be as happy as this chap. i personally feel that although he doesn't have much, he has almost everything that is required for a happy life on earth, if you get my drift. kinda oxymoronic i noe. sorry.

suddenly feel so bogged down by school. so many readings that needs to be done. i mean i dun wish to like be one week in advance for my readings, but at least stay afloat on my readings. well, it juz means that i have to read loads more, since i am now reading LOTR, the Fellowship of the Ring, and Andrew juz got me, Wai Kit, and Hui Xing a reading to do for our biweekly fellowship. readings galore i tell you. on top of that, i have to start getting back to doing my QT religiously. haven been doing it as much as i would like, or as much as my Father would like, or as much as my devotional buddy Paul would like. Sorry to those i have mentioned above. well, will take things one step at a time. hope my Father will forgive me.

yesterday i had a long conversation with C. babe, hope things will turn out rite for ya. shan't divule more online but will juz repeat what i said on the phone yesterday. make ur choice and choose to live with the consequences. you and i are dead sure that the consequences will cause u to be sad one way or another. but it is ultimately up to you to choose the lesser of two evils. and i will be there for ya be it good or bad, and this isn't juz limited to C. but to all my friends.

to an, sorry things have to turn out this way. i dunno if what i read on ur blog is interpreted correctly, but u stay strong babe. i am sorry but i dunno what else to say to you other then this.

seems like more sad things to come eh? i am like $1500 poorer now. yeah, juz paid for my plane tickets to NZ. not that i am terribly sad that i am that much poorer, but juz that i do not have money to do things that i would generally like to do, like go to a cafe, get a cup of coffee and read a good solid book. i know, that it doesn't cost much, but i am THAT poor ok... sigh... can't wait for money to fall from the sky. sighz.

well, on a happier note, have started training for my biathlon since the start of last week. though i still suck at running (and i dun think i will ever not suck at it), i can see myself improving progressively. hope that one day i will be able to run sub 50 for a 10km distance. and i also hope for next year's sing bi, will be able to manage a 1hr 20min. these are juz standards i wanna meet.

well, thats all for now. am gonna go back to reading my school stuff.... sianz......

Speakth at... 9:47 AM

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