NOTE: Mozilla Firefox Friendly
Sunday, July 29, 2007
sadness, pain, suffering, distrust, anger, the unknown. why oh why are we endowed with such feelings and emotions? wouldn't it be loads better if we weren't given them? wat on earth is God thinking when He gave us those emotions. to break us? to further make us more ashamed that we live? that in everything we do, we are already sinning in thought, word and deed? y?
i do not claim to noe y. but i believe tt it allows us to become more reliant on Him. He desires a broken and contrite heart. for that is when He is best able to live in us. how disgusting, how stupid. but stupid works apparently. wat to do, God is God. He noes best.
i m prepared to lose u. but i will still rejoice if by losing u, i'd gain u as someone who has found God again. you've lost Him. through ur own pride, belief in ur own strength. and as much as i love u, and do not want to lose u, i am prepared for tt end. to see u walk out. but at least believe in me, i do not wish to harm you, i do not wish to inflict more pain in u. u are feeling hopeless, angry, and it is normal. i wld think it was nt normal if u din feel hurt.
as i type this, my heart bleeds. it hardly hurts as much as this. oh God, heal me. only u can do it. where i am weak, that's when ur strength will reveal itself. so use me, as ur vessel. i am Yours.
Speakth at... 9:11 AM
Thursday, July 26, 2007
here we go again
same old shit again
time and time they shout again
when on earth will this be through?
Speakth at... 10:42 PM
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
why have you gotten so lazy.what has become of the past you.get it back.sigh.i want u back.dun forsake that part of urself.ever.
Speakth at... 8:21 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
love days where i can have a good book in hand, and a good drink, either beer or juice, and read the time away, transported into another world. into the minds of fabulous authors. hope i shall have more of such time.
Speakth at... 9:44 AM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
time sure has past. time flies when u are either caught up in the moment, or when there are things to look forward to. places to go, ppl to meet, things to achieve. makes u wonder whether time is an enemy, or reminder that our time span here on earth is very precious.
the week has been rather good. very relaxing, very smooth sailing. looking forward to possibly the final camp i will be going for in NUS as a student. the next time i come back, it'll probably be as an alumni. feels like i am one heck of an old guy. i am actually the oldest dude in my OG anyway. =S so far, they seem quite quiet, and unlike the rowdy bunch that i'd prefer, but i guess it is the first day. i hope that during the duration of the camp, we'll bond as an OG and build meaningful and long-lasting relationships that goes even beyond the school term.
am also glad that my mum came back safely and soundly from here trip to holland/europe. i do hope that in time to come, whenever she travels, it'll not be for business but for leisure purposes. i do feel bad that she is going off for business most of the time. dun think it is healthy for her nor us(the family)
i am also hoping that the retreat that collin, jeanette and myself have planned for the connect ministry would turn out well. i hope that the ministry will be able to bond together as a whole. i also hope that Debbie Teo will be able to join us, if not for the whole 3 day 2 nites, but at least for one of the days. i really want to reach out to as many people as possible within SJC, such that each and every person can join together in the big charcoal pit, so that our fire can burn more strongly not for St James, not for the ministry, not for anyone... but the almighty God our Father who lives and reigns in the hearts of us repentful sinners. till today, i am still awed at the fact that this being is willing to live and connect with us. not to possess us, not to control us, but to lead us. amazed i am.
at this point, i dunno y i am feeling a lil confused. as though i dunno wat exactly i want. i mean i do know what i want in a couple of years time, but in some ways, i dunno wat i noe. i know this is a lil confusing to understand, but i myself am a lil muddled at this point. oh well.... another time.
p.s. i am very angril that the stupid rubber costs so much! urgh! sigh.... y can't it be cheaper. maybe i should use some magic to lower the cost of it. @marimarihom@
Speakth at... 5:37 PM
+ ernest tan
+ singaporean
+ gemini
+ rat
+ attached and in love
+ university student
+ biathlete cum waterboy
+ sporty
+ fun loving
+ exercise freak
+ friendly
+ impatient
+ Christian
+ water polo
+ swimming
+ running
+ chatting with friends
+ eating good food
+Road Bike
+Harry Potter 7th Book
+Aasics Gel kayano shoes x3