Wednesday, September 20, 2006
this post is dedicated to the one whom i love. and directed to the ones i love. it is a cry, it is a jab in desperation, it is not a happy post. no one said i am a happy person. and i have school at 8 tomorrow. argh!
to the one who found me when i was lost, when i was searching for meaning to my life, i thank you that it was You that called out to me and wanted me. me, probably one of the most vile creatures that walked this earth, and you wanted me. words couldn't express how happy i was then that You, the creator of all, all holy and pure wanted me. Father, now i come to you as someone who has lost all hope in finding the happiness that has probably eluded me since i have come to know you as intimately as the past few years. possible heartaches and suffering appear to be at the door of those whom i hold dear. all this because of money. i am starting to wonder why we have money in the first place. it seems like one of those things that can either make or break a man. for You, in the form of Jesus said the greed for money is the root of all evil. but now money appears to be tearing those i hold dear.
Father, you once told me that you would never put me in a situation where i could not bear the consequences. now it appears that i am at my wits end and have no idea what to do anymore. many times things appear to be ok, but it is for a fleeting moment. is this one of the ills of this fallen world i live in? i know this pain that i am going through cannot be compared to what you have gone through, the humiliation, the suffering, the angst, the torment you had through Jesus 2000+ years ago. in fact, i believe you are still suffering pain and sorrow for millions of people have rejected you. and yet Lord, i hope you will take this cup away from me, but by your will it be done. i juz pray that through my suffering people will see you in it.
Lord, if it were possible, i would take their pain and sorrow all onto myself for their happiness. You know who i am talking about. for the longest time i have prayed that they will come to know You as i have known You. that is because i believe that when they align their wishes with yours, then almost everything would be ok. Father, i am your instrument. do with me as you will. like i said before, by your will be done, not mine but yours.
Father, you have heard my pleas, both on my blog, in the shower, before i fall asleep. talk to me like before. i miss your voice, and most of all, i miss being able to talk to you and converse with you. i know this is the outcome of me drawing further away from you. i want to draw close to you, Father.
You are my God, and I will give you thanks; you are my God, and I will exhalt you. Psalm 118:28.
actually i wanted to type Psalm 118:24 because of the small printout i saw in shihui's wallet and it was quite uplifting, but by pure accident, i typed 28 but it turned out that it makes more sense to me. thank you God for taking over my fingers.
Speakth at... 11:07 PM
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