Tuesday, March 06, 2007
i never knew how difficult it was to feel. in the past, i never had problems knowing who i like. but now, i dun even think i have the capacity to like anyone anymore. i dunno if it is some kind of psychological effect or fear i have of relationships, or is it because i juz am not interested in getting into a relationship no more. the weirdest thing is that right now, i have no feelings watsoever for anyone of my female companions. is there something wrong? i mean in the past, i would have some form of superficial feelings for some of them. i would even ask them out juz to find out if there was some thing that could spark of an interest between us. but right now, i am juz so ambivalent about the whole thing. i no longer seem interested in dating no more. sigh. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME??? or are my expectations for a life partner too high. or is it a bad thing that i am looking for someone whom i want to spend the rest of my life with? am i shunting aside the many potential women i know?
sometimes i feel that it is because i am adament about finding a christian girl that is causing me to be so picky about the women i am willing to date. some of my friends even say that i am very choosy, and i shouldn't be so. but isn't this a lifetime issue? shouldn't we place more clout on it? thats what i always think. as for my girl, i guess it could be a time of testing for me, that my dearest Father is putting me through. that He wants to be sure He is at the center of my life. right now, that's not happening. i should let Him be the center eh?
well, right now i juz wanna find back the feeling of wanting to date again. i mean i necessarily want to get into a serious relationship right now, but at least i feel the desire to want to go out. i feel that i lack a social life. my time is either spent working at HATC or at home or training for my biathlon races or for my academic interest. all those things are vying for my time.
p.s. to those i use to date, dun worry. you are not the cause of my current state. it is juz one of the quirks that i have. what to do, i am weird. heh.
Speakth at... 11:28 PM
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