Thursday, April 26, 2007

the following post comes from a very angsty me. so read with caution.

kan nah sai! chao NM dept of NUS. i hope some mother son from the NM dept of NUS reads my post. i mean wat the hell man! at first you told us it'll be 50 mcq qns. then when i sat down at my table earlier and read the cover page, guess wat! it turned out to be 32 mcq qns and 8(i think) short answer questions. i mean please lah... there is a reason WHY NUS incorporated IVLE into the education man. did it NOT cross ur mind that THE INTERNET IS a form of communication medium that you taught us? makes me think wat the hell they gave you the professor title for. i mean like only last night at 12 midnite then u change it suddenly. come on lah! it can't be THAT last minute. even a 3 year old knows that. i m seriously doubting the brains behind the NUS organization man. for wat do they pay u so much for, and furthermore, you TEACH something but DO NOT USE? bloody hell! wake up ur bladdy idea can! stupid NM dept. damn bloody pissed!!! nah beh! (Evil Chao Ah Beng Ego)

now its back to my normal civilized persona.

recently, some of my old thorns started to recur. i thought i was able to subdue those demons, and i thought i was able to finally kill them. but i guess they were still lurking in the back of my subconscious somewhere, waiting for that opportune time when i am weak and scared. talking to someone about regrets in stemming from the past triggered it i guess. its kinda scary. on one hand, i think that it is kinda good that i know it is something that i never was able to conquer, but on the other hand, it's juz holding me back. this past that i wanna get rid off scares me, prevents me from pushing on ahead, and even impedes me. its nt ur fault that it came up. i guess eventually i'll have to tell you what is it that i m nt too fond of remembering. its funny hw the human body works. the more we wanna forget something, the stronger the memory gets. hw i wish the same can be said about my exams. @sigh@

but as i wallow in my pitiful state, God threw this verse at me. he has a knack for doing such things when i am in my deepest darkest hour. and i thank glenn and tard for helping me find it coz i myself am nt good at remembering verses from the Holy Word. so thank you glenn and tard. and thank you Father. for as u promised, u've never forsaken me. kum sia lao peh!

so here is the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then I am strong

so yes. i will try my best to boast of my weakness. for where i am weak, i am strong. nt through my own grace and power, but through the one who died for me. i still tear when i think of the scenes enacted. but i shudder to think that i will definitely be the one nailing his wrists into the crucifix, or spitting and sneering at him, if i were living in His time. sorry, Lord.

Speakth at... 10:00 PM

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