Sunday, May 20, 2007
a decision has been made. during the process, turmoil, sadness, a lot of angsty pondering, and in the midst of it all, there was strangely a sense of peace. i guess the sense of peace stood out the most because it was a strange feeling. i mean negative thoughts flowed through the head, but at the core of it, it felt really good. i guess this is what happens when the decision was made to put our Father in the center of it all. to listen, to follow, to obey. John 15 was a verse that spoke volumes about what i felt we should be doing. was a wine apart of Daddy. now, i want to be a part of Daddy. funny how one space makes a world of a difference.
all i can ask is that God will grant me strength, and never forsake me. may i never not be able to feel His presence, and that He will continue telling me the things i do is wrong, and tell me not to do it. I pray i will have the strength to fight the demons placed in my life, and that i will use Daddy's sword of fire to vanquish them. though everytime i kill one, another will come back, but as long as the sword is in my hands, mind and mouth, i can win the war.
can't believe xiaolin left for xiamen already. gosh, it seems the whole world is leaving. sigh, i can't say i like globalization since it is taking ppl who matter away from me. but ultimately, i too will be leaving Singapore, to place myself in another part of God's wonderful world. but thanks that the person whom i have decided to give my heart to also wants to have a life outside of Singapore. makes things a whole lot easier. seems like this is the point in my life that i'll be making decisions that will impact my life significantly. hope that God will be in the center of it all.
on my other fav issue on my work, i am starting to get the groove back for it. slowly enjoying meeting students, talking with them, knowing them better, playing with them and just finding out what makes them tick. my only grouse, i haven't gotten my camera phone yet so i can take pics with them for memory sake. sigh. the phone i want is SOOOO expensive. over $500 bucks. hope some kind soul will drop one into my hands. i'll be eternally grateful. i guess i will not continue with this job after my education. i have another calling. something only God knows. he hasn't told me fully what it is. but my training so far, in terms of spirit, in terms of work, in terms of my gift for reaching out to kids, it is for a greater plan. i dunno wat it is. but it is definitely veered towards that area.
anyway, 6 more days before the release of my results. i do hope i'll do well. i really have to do well... if not, there goes all hopes for me to do honors. sigh. i hate to be controlled by my grades, but that is a reality i have to live with. sigh.
Speakth at... 9:35 PM
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