Sunday, July 29, 2007
sadness, pain, suffering, distrust, anger, the unknown. why oh why are we endowed with such feelings and emotions? wouldn't it be loads better if we weren't given them? wat on earth is God thinking when He gave us those emotions. to break us? to further make us more ashamed that we live? that in everything we do, we are already sinning in thought, word and deed? y?
i do not claim to noe y. but i believe tt it allows us to become more reliant on Him. He desires a broken and contrite heart. for that is when He is best able to live in us. how disgusting, how stupid. but stupid works apparently. wat to do, God is God. He noes best.
i m prepared to lose u. but i will still rejoice if by losing u, i'd gain u as someone who has found God again. you've lost Him. through ur own pride, belief in ur own strength. and as much as i love u, and do not want to lose u, i am prepared for tt end. to see u walk out. but at least believe in me, i do not wish to harm you, i do not wish to inflict more pain in u. u are feeling hopeless, angry, and it is normal. i wld think it was nt normal if u din feel hurt.
as i type this, my heart bleeds. it hardly hurts as much as this. oh God, heal me. only u can do it. where i am weak, that's when ur strength will reveal itself. so use me, as ur vessel. i am Yours.
Speakth at... 9:11 AM
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